Saying Goodbye

My dear sweet girl has been declining all summer, sleeping more, eating less. This past month, she has been chattier than usual, and spent much more time hanging out with me, like in the picture.

She was never a lap cat, or a cuddly cat. She showed affection through proximity, vocalization, and purring.

This past week, she stopped eating. Then she denned up in the bathroom, her "safe" space whenever the vacuum was in use. We brought her creature comforts in, set down some incontinence pads and took turns spending time with her.

This morning while having a coffee in the living room, I heard a change in her breathing. I went in and laid down beside her, stroking her gently. Her breathing was ragged and labored. As minutes passed, the space between breaths got longer. I felt her heart laboring under my palm.

Suddenly, she raised her head, stretching her face towards mine, and looking into my eyes. I kept talking softly to her. She settled again. Within a minute or so, she was gone.

My heart is broken. It hasn't been two months since we said goodbye to our beloved beagle.

This is the hardest part about having fur-babies. Their lifespans are so short. Since moving to our current home in 2011, we've said goodbye to seven as of today. There are seven burial mounds scattered around the garden.

That being said, we speak of all of them pretty much daily. They've all left paw prints on our hearts that we will carry forever. And I fully expect to find them all on the other side when I finally cross over. They each took a piece of my heart with them, so we'd be sure to meet again.

I built a flower bed around one mound several years ago and have decided to do the same to the others next spring. As I worked on that first flower bed, I thought how fitting it was to build a living memorial to a creature that moved as quietly and gently through the world as she had. Despite having lived a quiet, unassuming life, she continues to have an impact on my family today.

There's a dignity and humility that I have come to admire in living gently, lovingly, and authentically and then leaving the mortal plane quietly. I hope to eventually follow their very good examples when my time comes to say goodbye.